I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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