I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
