You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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