I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
