We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
