Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
