i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
