I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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