Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
