I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
