used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
