Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
