: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
