They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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