You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
