so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
