i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I could fuck to npr.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
