i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i think im in europe. pls send help
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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