yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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