operation harelip BJ is a go
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
