No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
