I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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