After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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