see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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