sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
