.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
