I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
