who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
