were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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