i jhust puked up my retainher.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
