I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
