Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
