Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
