Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
