Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
