if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
