im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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