Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
