As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
