actually, I'm a sock model
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
