idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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