i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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