you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
