but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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