who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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