Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So vagazzling was a success
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
