I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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