I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
