I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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