i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
