The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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